The Person I Always Wanted To Be

Sometimes I think I’m done growing and evolving. I think I’ve learned “enough” and I become satisfied with that. Complacent. Then all of a sudden – SMACK! Boom! – I’m taken to my next level of growth and understanding.

I said I would become very private and not share anything about my life anymore but I spoke too soon. I’ll be selective in what I share but I don’t think I should completely go off line.

I actually thought I had deleted this blog last month after my last post but a few days later I started receiving new notifications of likes and follows. Apparently I don’t know how to delete a blog haha…What I did was delete my domain name not my blog (insert crying emoji.) I am now trying to recover my previous Domain name. Anyway I hope you guys are happy my blog wasn’t deleted and thank you for showing love.

So for the past year I’ve gone back and forth from being productive to non-productive. I think that’s the struggle for a lot of us. One day we’re on it, the next day we’re not.

Well something strange happened last month. Something…just sort of clicked.

I began to have this insane drive to get everything done. No distractions. Just my dreams and a whole lot of horse power.

The thing is I’ve always had dreams…we all do. The problem for me was not having enough drive and desire to reach them.

Thats no longer a problem.

My daily routine consists of waking up every day around 7 am, I catch up on news, watch self help videos on YouTube, make breakfast, clean up around the house, do laundry, go into our home office where I get work done for a few hours. I’m basically absorbing all the information I possibly can in every possible way right now. I use what’s known as “fast-reading skills” which is something anyone can learn. Videos teaching this technique can be found on YouTube.

Home office – where the magic happens

Ive organized the office filing cabinet which hadn’t been organized in a whole year. I have cleaned my email inbox and organized all incoming emails. I cleaned out all my “favorites” tabs on my computer. All of the videos on YouTube I want to “watch later” are categorized in folders depending what I want to learn about. I have a list of notes for future tiktok videos I want to create as well as a folder of tiktok inspo videos.

I have a folder where I keep notes for future blog posts. I’m also getting ready to launch a new blog called “The Stylish Lives” where I’ll post daily outfits as well as “latest finds” with links. I’ll also be reviewing home goods purchases. I will update you as soon as my new blog is published and live.

The reason I decided on two separate blogs Is because I like a clean silhouette. I want people who are looking for fashion, home decor purchase reviews, style inspo and clothing links to find just that on “The stylish lives” blog. At the same time I want people who are looking for an interesting read to find that on this blog without a problem. I serve “cheeseburgers” on one blog and “lasagna” on the other – I don’t like to mix them up.

Going back to my organization: (I’m super not cool I know) I have all my To-do notes organized in different categories as well as home sheets for cleaning, cooking and expenses detailed and printed. I have all of our home recipes organized in a binder. I also plan our monthly trips and vacations as well as Layla’s homeschool curriculum and sports. I have a schedule for our daily vitamin and health supplement intake since it’s different for each family member. I have lists of which places and people I will call each day, what Mail I will send out, what places I will go to, what things are needed to be bought, and what steps come first in achieving my goals.

Strangely…It doesn’t wear me out and I willingly have no “off days”. I feel motivated every day to chip away at my goals and lists. I don’t feel exhausted or tired. I just feel glad I get to wake up and go after what I want.

So how did this happen? How did I become the person I had always wanted to be? I became my higher self…and part of me is still stunned and confused because I don’t know how it happened.

If I had to pin point it to something I would say…I have 100% laser focus on my goals and no distractions. I also have a very clear vision of what I want and a strategy on how I’m going to get it with different plans of action. It’s not one path. It’s a lot of “paths” with precise planning and strategy. The road to success is never one road. It’s many roads carefully planned.

The fastest way to achieve your goals is to fast-read through information pertaining to your goals. Knowledge comes first. Skills and talent comes second.

By the way, Layla has really been surprising me lately. She downloaded a drawing app on her phone thats similar to Adobe. She’s been making different artwork on there and it’s not only impressively good but I’m surprised she knows how to use all the complicated tools in the app! She’s only 8. Jeez Louise.

She made this drawing using only her fingers…the detail is just wow.
Again the details !! She really puts time into her drawings

Then this morning during breakfast she told me about another app she downloaded. This time it’s a game app where shes building a restaurant business. She told me she’s been working really hard to buy all the things her business needs. Sometimes I just nod and said, “right!” But inside I’m containing how shocked I am. I mean this might be normal behavior for kids these days but I just know I wasn’t downloading any apps at her age or even remotely thinking of owning a business. She’s been talking business since the age of 4.

I’ve been listening to the BlackPink essentials album on Apple Music non stop lately. I’m obsessed with BlackPink. I check Ticketmaster every week to see if they have any concert tours lined up. Sadly BlackPink isn’t touring right now.

Also, I’m gearing up to share some pivotal information on here so stay tuned.

Thanks for reading,

Denise

PS. Here’s a photo dump from our trip to Joshua Tree recently:

At the Cabazon Dinosaurs 🦖 near Palm Springs Ca. White shirt is Ralph Lauren, striped bathing suit is from a boutique, jeans are from Target and jelly sandals are from Nordstrom rack.
Family picture
Before going in to the Cabazon museum
At the hotel resort about to get in the pool
Drying off in the sun after a nice swim sesh
Swimsuit: boutique store inside princess cruise ship, sunglasses: Quay Australia
I took this photo with my phone on “night mode” at Joshua Tree during the meteor shower. It was an incredible experience.
I love seeing her happy
Ballet babes 🩰

What I’ve Learned about Healthy Relationships

Last year I had my last toxic relationship. I smile when I think about it because I picture myself kissing it goodbye with a big smile. I learned the knowledge necessary to stop the cycle from being repeated all through out my life.

Many people are born into toxic environments/ families and it’s what they’ve been conditioned to accept and even crave. It’s what’s “comfortable.” I was raised in a dysfunctional family as many people are. In the past year I had to learn to re-program what I’m attracted to.

After that toxic relationship was over I went into a healthy relationship – the healthiest one I’ve ever had.

I ignored this new person at first even though I thought he was nice and handsome – he has amazing green eyes and the sweetest smile. I just wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship though. Anyway, he persisted and eventually after about a month and a half I finally started to see him differently.

The truth is I needed the love and affection he showered me with. I just didn’t know how to accept that love. I also didn’t know what it felt like to be truly adored but once I did…It changed me. Let’s just say you can get used to a good thing.

I was covered in all these warm happy feelings consistently for months – this is “the honey moon” period of healthy relationships. There were no mind games, just love, honesty, friendship, and laughs. Everything was so transparent, and easy…I felt safe with him from the start. I’ve always known that I could be myself around him. If anything he matches my weird haha.

For months we were blissful. At times I felt weird though. “Why is everything so…calm ?” I wondered. “Am I not in love ?” I questioned myself. I almost wanted to end it. I was so used to the highs and lows of toxic relationships. I had to keep doing self work and learn to accept that healthy relationships look and feel different. I had to fight the urge to run.

It’s been over half a year and we still talk every day. I love this person so much…like I “wuv” him ha-ha. He’s one of my best friends but we can’t be together. The factors that keep us from being together are out of our control (religion and distance.) Recently he told me he would propose marriage if distance wasn’t an issue. Religion is a big factor too. Still, he taught me what it is to have a healthy relationship. I can’t ever go back to a toxic one after knowing what a healthy relationship is like.

He taught me how important it is to be friends first. He didn’t rush in, he took his time, and let the friendship blossom. We didn’t say anything about liking each other or sending sexy emojis until months later. We just talked daily and enjoyed our friendship. It was one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever had.

We both know the most we can offer each other is friendship and for us that’s good enough. I’m his happiness and he’s mine. The only reason I would stop communicating with him is if I got in a serious relationship or the person Im getting to know wants to be exclusively dating. Otherwise I don’t see a reason to cut off ties with my best friend. I have never cheated on anyone in my life and I never will. So if I had to stop talking to him I would. The thought of not talking to him makes me kinda sad though. I know it makes him sad too. When we went on a little break a few months ago, he nearly lost his mind and didn’t care if I knew it. He sent me the cutest video. I cried while brushing my teeth. We were both heart broken. We’re better when we talk to each other. Life just feels right that way.

I can’t speak for everyone, I can only speak for myself since I’ve already done so much of the inner work which has allowed me to be open to giving men a chance even if I don’t feel that I’m really “into them.” I know that my feelings can change or evolve with time. I realize women who haven’t done the inner work will find it hard to be friends first and that’s really a shame because friendship is the base for everything.

I’d rather enjoy people’s personalities and vibe with them as friends first instead of being so caught up in where a relationship is going or jumping into it too fast. Actually I think the worst thing anyone can do is go too fast.

People (in the U.S. primarily) are so afraid of being “friend zoned” and that’s a legitimate fear because many men and women will ignore someone who is too good to them, due to a dysfunctional upbringing. That’s why it’s important to reprogram our attachment styles and what we’re attracted to. Otherwise the dysfunction keeps going around in loops. We have to normalize being friends again.

I don’t believe you can find love on a dating app because respectable high value people are usually not on those apps. Men (and some women) use them as hook up apps – not “dating apps.” Real love doesn’t start on an app where people are lined up like animal cattle basically saying “pick me, pick me!” Or “swipe right on me!” It’s just not organic. There is always the exception but for the most part these are not dating apps…they are hook-up apps.

So where do you find respectable high value people? Anywhere really. The question is actually more so: Will you be the one to say hello first ? a lot of people have too much pride and fear of rejection to initiate a simple conversation. In reality it just takes saying hello and making a little conversation with people when you go out. Smile. Say something nice. It really doesn’t take a lot to get the ball moving. There’s no harm in wanting to be friends.

Things I think people should stop doing: friends with benefits. Why is there benefits when they haven’t been earned? From what I hear women aren’t even “pleased” properly or at all in these interactions. Are they really even friends? Most of the time: No. it’s the most absurd arrangement I’ve ever heard of. Something my dad told me when I was young was: never take crumbs from a man. Being friends with benefits is definitely crumbs. I can’t think of a “crumb-y-er” thing. No pun intended.

Number two. I wish people would stop idealizing and fantasizing a person before they even really know them. That’s probably the fastest way to “miserable town.” As much as you want to imagine how great your life can be with someone, stop and remember that they are a normal flawed person. Until they prove what they can actually do for you don’t ever put them on a pedestal. I wouldn’t put them on a pedestal even after that…but I would probably give them a hug. I’m kidding I’m kidding. (I have dry humor haha.)

Lastly, don’t kiss anyone right away. The chemicals that get released from kissing will make you think you like that person more than you actually do. You want to make sure you actually like each other.

Also worth mentioning…So many people are frustrated with the dating scene lately and sort of welcome the idea of arranged marriages. These are arranged not forced meaning both people agree to the marriage.

The downside of arranged marriages is obviously that you won’t get to know each other very well until later on in the marriage. For me that doesn’t work. I want to make sure it’s my best friend before agreeing to something like that. I also want them to earn my love and body. I wanna see that work being put in haha.

For a lot of people though, their dating problems would be solved easily if they focused on being friends. Maybe I should start a work shop where I teach people how to reprogram their toxic tendencies, unblock their chakras, and learn to start a relationship as friends.

I hope in the future I can help people with their dating troubles. The world needs it.

Thanks for reading,

Denise