Lately I’ve noticed a trend going around…people are choosing to remain alone in this world.
Im one of those people.
I get hit on often when I go out and while it’s flattering and the flirting is fun…I never follow through with it. I’m single so I could if I wanted to but Id rather be alone.
Would I love to have romantic moments and hot sex with a hot man who I also have a spiritual connection with? Ok that was a little specific but Ohmygod yes haha…who wouldn’t? It all comes at a price though. That price is too high for me.
Being in a relationship means you could get cheated on and then it’s chaos after that. It also means people want to un-alive themselves when things end. Sometimes they imagine you are cheating on them and they want to un-alive you. Or they could simply want to un-alive you if you no longer feel the connection and want out. It’s risky business.
Then there’s the risk of getting pregnant or STDs. For some people this isn’t a big deal. To me it is. I don’t want anymore babies. Ever. Again. I did it one time and it was traumatizing. I also realize I am responsible for this human for the rest of her LIFE. I’m also responsible for any humans she decides to have (lord please hear my prayers and let it be just one cause I can’t handle more than one grand baby when I’m older, amen.)
I also don’t want any STDs. I realize most people have STDs but I’m just not interested in joining that club. You just can’t trust nobody. You really can’t. People are out there trading STDs like Pokémon cards not telling anyone what they have.
I think that’s really what it comes down to: I just don’t trust anyone in any way. People need therapy. They throw all their insecurities onto each other. Everyone is so messed up from narcissistic parents, narcissistic lovers, narcissistic bosses and cults. Most people haven’t healed and are not interested in healing.
People are really walking around with all their demons hanging out trying to date each other. Chile please. I’m just trying heal and get a deal. I don’t have time for that.
Theres also so many narcissists, psychopaths, and murderer’s out there. Many who look innocent enough. Sadly it’s usually the attractive women who get murdered by jealous exes or rejected suitors.
My life goal is to just exist happily. I want to continue to do what makes me happy: eat good food, dance my favorite songs, make art, and enjoy nature until my time on this earth is up.
I will probably never know what hot sex on a spiritual level is like though. The only reason it makes me a little sad is because I look at myself in the mirror and think “DaMn Denise your fu&$@#% sexy” and well…it’s a waste you know…if I was really ugly and deformed I wouldn’t feel so sad but I’m a sexy mother fu$%#@. So it’s sad.
This is the life many of us are living right now though. We’d rather be alone and safe. The world is just too much of a risk.
When I finish my life on this earth I hope I go to a new earth where things are better and safer.
Even though I realize this earth is full of risks and dangers I do still enjoy living here. I just have to abstain myself from most people.
Thankfully I have my family and my best friend. For how long? Who knows. This life is all a risk. I could lose them or they could lose me at any moment. That’s another reason I don’t want to get attached to anyone or have more kids. You never know when they’ll be gone. So much of this life is getting your hopes up and then just getting heart broken. I’d rather not play this strange game of life anymore. I’d rather keep my inner circle super small.
Sometimes I dream of going somewhere far away with just my family and best friend. I imagine living out on acres of country land surrounded by a community of good people. I imagine horses and fields of lilies. Country curtains and fresh apple pie. Watermelon slices and swings under a tree. A small lake nearby. Books to read. A porch with a swing. Long flow-y dresses. Fire pit nights with laughter and good stories. An idyllic life.
Regardless of what you have to live without…the point is to enjoy what you can while you’re on this earth.
Thanks for reading,