A Day In My Life

In Santa Monica

I’ll prefix this by saying every day of my life is different but this was my day today..

I woke up at 5:45 am accidentally as I’ve been doing recently. I’m not sure why I wake up at ungodly hours on my own but I will stay awake for half an hour or so and then drift back to sleep. I do enjoy seeing the sun rise though. I mean I don’t actually get up and see it rise…But I watch the glowy light come through my window as I lay in bed. It’s pretty spectacular.

At around 9 am I woke up, and watched some YouTube videos on past life regression before getting out of bed. Side story here – I paid a professional hypnotist a few days ago to do a past life regression on me. It was such a bizarre experience (which is what I live for in a way.) Anyway, I was able to see quite a lot and it’s still very surreal.

Dr.Elena, the hypnotist, helped navigate me through my past life regression and I’m glad she did because I don’t think it would’ve been the same without her. Especially since it was my first time and I didn’t really know what I was doing.

It surprisingly didn’t even feel like I was “hypnotized.” I just felt my body very heavy and I could feel some type of energy over it but a good peaceful energy. She relaxed me with her voice for a good half hour before we began the journey into my past lives.

I honestly wasn’t sure if it would even work. We were having trouble in the beginning, as images looked blurry, scrambled and at times I didn’t see anything. I wondered if maybe it was a waste of my money. Dr. Elena didn’t seem surprised in the slightest and simply used her soothing voice to direct me.

Then…it started. I saw a boys bright happy face looking at me. I saw us laughing and running around. I had two short black braids and fair skin. We were both 10 years old. I could see the green grass and the river nearby. It was France in the 1500s. I knew who the boy was right away…It’s the person I’m currently talking to in this lifetime.

I saw my mother rushing me in to wash my hands for supper. I knew right away that I loved her and that she was a good caring mother. She was always in a rush, very disciplined and responsible but loving nonetheless. She told me my father would be home soon and sure enough as I was coming back from washing my hands (in a basin) I saw my father walk in. My heart stopped as I was watching this because all of a sudden I felt emotions surface up. I knew my father back then was a good dad and I loved him. As he walked in he turned over and smiled at me in his familiar warm way before sitting at the wooden table we had. His clothes were dirty from work and he looked very tired but his eyes lit up when he looked over at me. He loved me and I loved him.

Our house sort of looked like this but it was a single story with double wooden doors.
This was the dress my mother was wearing but hers was a maroon color

Physically my dad had quite a large belly, a dark mustache and a small gap between his front teeth but he had the most radiant warmest energy. Being able to see this part of my past life was emotional because It was like seeing my dad again after not having seen him in a very long time. When I remember this part of my past life regression I miss him. I miss my dad.

I saw myself run over to the table and sit with my family – my parents and a sister (who was about a year older than me.) Once seated to eat dinner my mother said, “let’s pray” and we bowed our heads to pray. We lived in a small house made of brick and stone with two wooden front doors. We were poor but happy. We had candles lit at night and we were eating what looked like beef stew and bread. My mother told me I shouldn’t play with boys so much as I was always getting hurt. I squirmed around a little and smiled mischievously but said nothing and kept eating my food. I liked playing with boys way too much to stop. I had to laugh when I saw this because it was funny to see how I’ve been a tomboy in past lives as well.

During dinner my parents talked between each other about my fathers job and money matters. We were poor so it seemed money (or the lack of) was always a topic. My sister and I ate our food happily though. We were used to hearing our parents talk about money troubles. It was nothing new.

After dinner my sister and I performed a silly dance for our parents as we normally did most evenings. We sang a song in French and giggled as we danced around. My parents watched us from the table amused as they did most nights. My mother almost had a look of “oh no here they go again” but she was smiling anyway.

Afterwards I played with our family dog. He wasn’t a very attractive dog but he was our dog. I scratched his neck playfully. Later that night once in bed, I thought about how I wanted to see the new boy (I was playing with earlier) again. I couldn’t wait to play with him the next day.

In short, that boy and I grew up, he asked my parents permission for my hand in marriage, my dad was beaming with joy, he clearly approved. My mother was happy but she just worried and wanted to make sure we didn’t fornicate before marriage. Apparently those were religious times and from what I researched there were strict rules around sex, so much that they even had a sex court and you were severely punished for committing sexual acts that were against the law. Even married you could only have sex if it was with the intention to have children. Crazy stuff right? No wonder my mother gave us “the look” that evening.

We celebrated with dinner at home with my family that night and a plain round cake. No frosting. Just a plain cake. This was the best we could do since we didn’t have much money. We were happy though.

My sister teased my new fiancé with, “well you know what this means right? You now have a new annoying sister for life.” We all laughed.

We got married – it was a very simple wedding. My dad was next to me and told me where to sign on a long official paper. I had never done this before so I appreciated his guidance and support. I was only 16. I had a long white dress on with long sleeves – it was nothing fancy but it was white. I also had a simple flower crown on my head.

Once we stepped outside after we had signed documents, the village people were waiting to congratulate us. They wanted to be there and be a part of it. They gathered around us on the grassy hill outside. My husband took my hands in his in front of everyone, looked me in the eyes smiling and said, “I promise to make you happy forever!” People cheered and clapped and the village drunks poured each other wine to celebrate. The village people walked us down the pebble stone road to what would be our newlywed home. Kids ran joyfully In front of us. I felt very happy.

Side note: I had no idea what a peasant wedding was like back then but I looked it up and apparently this was all accurate.

We had kids – lots of them. We had a very happy family, and we laughed often. My husband usually chased the kids around the house playfully while they ran from him laughing. We loved each other. He really did make me happy. I died at an old age of what seemed like bronchitis. I was coughing so much. I had grey and white hair. I was In a bed at home surrounded by my family. They knew I was dying. My husband was sitting in a chair by my bed. We were both old and a lot heavier. He leaned over and kissed my forehead and said “I love you” with tears going down his cheeks right before I passed away.

Side note: I flunked history class all through high-school because I had no interest in knowing about dead people. So going into this, I literally had no idea what life was like in France in the 1500s. It’s surreal that I now have an understanding of that time.

I also saw my previous life before this one which blew my mind. I was 20 years old in 1954. My name was Dolores. I was attractive, slim, with big perky breast’s. I was a little surprised with the breasts. I just didn’t imagine having those on me. I had to do a double take.

Anyway, my dad was white and my mom was Hispanic so I was mixed. We were middle class and I was an only child. My parents worked a lot and were mostly absent. Even when they were around they weren’t very expressive.

I lived in a two story home in California. It was painted white and it was on a Main Street. One of my girlfriends told me not to go with a boy who Invited me out. I didn’t listen to her and went with him anyway. He was a rich boy and had a brand new corvette. It was shiny blue with cream leather interior seats. I really liked the car. What I didn’t like is that he wanted to “park” and make out. He was a moderately handsome guy with very nice blonde hair slicked back but I didn’t actually like him in that way. I especially didn’t like him feeling up on me. So I told him to stop and when he wouldn’t, I got out of the car. It was dark outside. We seemed to be by a park. I stood on the sidewalk near a tree. He got out and came over to me. He was so angry. He kept shouting at me while I stood there annoyed with my arms crossed. He was supposed to have taken me dancing but instead all he wanted to do was park and make out. I asked him to just take me home. He was still angry but agreed. “Oh I’ll take you home alright! If that’s what you want!” He said.

We got back in the car and as he drove, he kept shouting angrily. I wondered if he was going to calm down. I didn’t understand why he was so angry. Then all of a sudden I saw a trucks headlights coming toward us, I heard loud honking, and the next thing that happened is we crashed and died. I saw the police tell my parents the news at our front door step that night. I saw my mother cry into her hands uncontrollably. I saw how my dad tried to pull it together but my mom couldn’t. For years she cried and blamed herself for my death. I got choked up and I wanted to tell her not to cry anymore. I wanted to tell her I didn’t blame her. I’m simply impulsive sometimes and don’t think things through all the way. I should’ve listened to my friend. Anyway I didn’t blame my mom and I didn’t want her to cry. It broke my heart. We weren’t very close but I just couldn’t see her cry like that. It still makes me sad to remember. I could see her sitting in the recliner chair in our living room crying. I had never seen anyone cry like that before. It was painful to watch. She was just so broken over my death for so long…

Dr.Elena asked me how I felt living in that time period before I died. I told her I felt excited. My friends were constantly picking me in their car to go have fun. I wanted to have a career in either dancing or being on television. My friends would encourage me. “You oughta do it Dolores! You’re good at it!” I had so many aspirations and dreams right before I died.

Dr.Elena then had me visit a memory from before I died in that life that was meaningful to me. I wondered what I would see. Then instantly I was there…It was my sweet 16 party. I saw everything – The round cake with frosting and 16 candles, the long pretty pink lace dress I had on, my friends being goofballs, 50s music records playing in the living room, etc. What was memorable though was that after all my friends sang me happy birthday, my parents wanted to say a few words. They told me they were proud of me, and they knew I would do big things. They were also proud of my good grades in school. Then they wished me a happy birthday. I got teary eyed because they had never told me anything like this before. I didn’t even know they thought that highly of me.

I was opening presents and one of my guy friends said, “Dolores if you don’t like mine you can return it.” He was teasing me. He had a big smile on his face. I smiled back and said, “Don’t be silly! Of course I’ll love it.” I undid the ribbon from the brown paper wrapped gift. Then I noticed a boy in the crowd. It was someone I had a crush on from school. He looked at me with big loving blue eyes. That night was simply wonderful for me. I continued to open presents. It was mostly clothes. I held a nice cardigan up for everyone to see. I also was given a thin silver watch. I was about to see more but my past life regression was over after that. Dr. Elena brought me out of hypnosis soon after as our time was up.

It makes sense to me now why I love dancing so much and why I’ve been so fixated on the 1950s era ever since I was a teenager.

This was a bizarre experience as part of me was wondering if I made this all up but the other part knows I simply saw the images and information as it was coming to me. I could’ve never imagined all of it as it was things I had no idea about. Also I never would’ve imagined my name was Dolores. Or that my father was white and my mother Hispanic. I kept rejecting the name “Dolores” but it kept being repeated to me until I finally said, “Ok I guess my name was Dolores.” I thought it was a strange name but after doing some research I found out it was one of the most popular names in that time period.

Past life regression is interesting to me and I might try it again on my own. I want to see more things from my life in the 50s. I also want to explore more memories I have with the person I’m talking to.

Anyway back to today (sorry for the side track) I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and then had breakfast with my mom. My younger brother was helping my daughter with the Nintendo switch he got her for her birthday. He’s staying the weekend with us which is nice since we hadn’t seen him in a while. My uncle came to visit too but he was outside working around the house with his portable radio on. He just turned 76. He has the sharpest memory I’ve ever witnessed and he’s more confident than most people. I love those things about him.

After breakfast I sorted through mail which I accidentally let pile up for 2 weeks but most of it was junk so it’s not a biggie. Then I got ready to go to Valencia. I needed to exchange some lululemon shorts and I also needed to pick up my moms prescription.

I drove through the mountains overlooking gorgeous views for an hour listening to classic oldies. It’s so therapeutic for me to drive, listen to music and think about my life.

The exchange at Lululemon was very easy and simple. I had gotten shorts that were too big and Lululemon let me exchange them even though it was after 30 days from the purchase. Wow. I’ll definitely be purchasing more from them. Anyway the sales lady was amazing and quickly brought a pair of black leggings in my correct size and now I have my first pair of classic Lululemon leggings. I know it’s lame but I see other girls wear them at my Pilates class and I really wanted a pair too.

Anyway, I decided to stop at Lazy Dog, the restaurant to grab something to eat. I was quickly seated and a waiter promptly came over to get my drink order and then my meal order. He was a young man in his 20s. He made me laugh when he told me I couldn’t have dessert with my meal. He looked like he was joking but he really wasn’t. No one had ever told me I couldn’t have dessert with my meal. I’ve always done it that way. This waiter told me I had to finish my food first and then he would bring me my dessert. He had a funny way of saying it and I almost couldn’t stop laughing. I had the wok-calamari which is a favorite of mine now, and eventually he brought me my warm apple pie.

I watched “pitch perfect” on my phone while I ate my food. Once I was done I asked for the check and tipped my waiter $12. He was constantly checking to see if I needed something or if everything was good and he made me laugh so I felt he deserved a tip. He was gracious about it, thanked me and wished me a good day.

Anyway as I was leaving, an older man stopped me and told me, “hey cmere.” so I walked over to him and his friend. They were white men in their 60s wearing cargo shorts and polo shirts. They were sitting at a table that faced the one I had sat in. He Introduced himself and his friend and told me they were both watching me and said “we think you’re the classiest lady we’ve ever seen. I just wanted to tell you that and I hope you have a nice day.” Ohmygosh he was so sweet. I thanked them kindly and then left but wow. What a compliment. I’ll never forget it.

Bathroom selfie at the LAZY DOG restaurant

After that I went to the pharmacy inside Albertsons to pick up my moms prescription for progesterone. It’s what her hormone doctor prescribed her. She’s doing so much better lately now that she’s on bio-identical hormones for her menopause. Ive been taking her to a hormone specialist in Santa Monica.

Once home, I had a little bit of dinner with my mom, uncle, and brother. I had already ate at the restaurant but my family wanted me to have dinner with them so I made myself a small plate of food. My mom made my brothers favorite: chili meat, rice and beans. She also made strawberries and cream for dessert. I forgot I wasn’t hungry once I started eating. Everything was so good.

After dinner my uncle wanted to be taken home so we got in the car to make the drive to his home.

Layla & Sophie – I might be putting them into modeling for Disney print work.

I had no idea that my uncle had declared his love for my mom earlier and my mom turned him down saying she could never date one of her ex husbands brothers. She was nice about it but I think my uncle might’ve felt a bit awkward and that’s why he wanted to be taken home early.

I don’t know if we’ll be seeing my uncle very much anymore. It makes me sad because he’s like a grandpa to me but he made things a little awkward now.

Anyway, I stopped at the Fastrip gas station to get gas. When I walked in all this nostalgia hit me. This was the store I always went into as a kid. I used to buy the hot potato wedges after school… I was happy to see they still had them. My brother and our friends used to play on the arcade machines by the entrance. Now lotto machines were there. We used to get slushees. Now they were in the back instead of in the middle of the store. It was a little different but basically still the same. It was weird but nice to be transported back to those times.

Once we got home, I watched part of a new show “I’m not Ok” with my brother Dion before my other brother Damian and his wife came over. My brothers wife is 3 months pregnant so we talked about pregnancy things at the table for a while. Then my brother Damian joined the conversation and we talked and caught up with each other’s lives.

It’s funny because we didn’t grow up being close. We’ve had to learn to build family patterns we didn’t even have. Our parents were well intentioned but there’s was no “Ohana” bonding in our family. I’m honestly proud of how far we’ve come.

After my brother and his wife left, my mom and I sat on the sofa and chatted for a while about my girls trip to Napa Valley next month with my 2 girl friends. We had an amazing girls trip a year and half ago and now we’re about to do it again for my friends Birthday.

We’re also going to Disneyland, Legoland, and a Dodgers game next month as a family. So far a lot of amusement parks and places are only open to California residents this summer due to Covid. That means this is the first summer we don’t have to worry about Disneyland, Six-flags or Legoland being overcrowded. The Dodgers stadium should be back at its full capacity next month when we go (50 thousand people.) I prefer a full stadium though. It’s more exciting.

At 10 pm Layla and I brushed our teeth and got into bed. I told her I loved her and snuggled with her for a while until she finally fell asleep. Then I wrote this blog post.

Tomorrow we have our first family park day. I got Layla and Sophie bikes, scooters, roller skates, kites, bubbles, frisbees, and a bounce ball. I’ve always seen other families do this but our family never did so I decided to start the tradition. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,

Denise

Human trafficking & appearing on the News

So it all started last Wednesday. I took Layla with me to run errands. We stopped at the DMV but it was closed due to Cesar Chavez Day. We then headed to Home Goods where I picked up a few essentials for our bathroom. Let me just say my local Home Goods is heavenly. They were overstocked with amazing stuff.

At 4 pm I took Layla with me to my first Yoga class. growing up in a cult religion Yoga was “off-limits.” It was “bad.” Many articles were written from our religious leaders to scare us away from ever trying out such a “devilish practice.” Was it devilish though? Well I tried it and it was not devilish at all. I did not have to put my mind in a blank state. It was soothing, and calming. You are connecting with yourself, your body, your breathing, your emotions. It’s very healthy In so many ways. Sometimes I think back at the things I was made to be scared of and I laugh a little.

After We finished our snacks we walked out through the shopping plaza. Thats where things got weird. I noticed two young guys standing in front of a ROSS store (wearing all black) with an older women whispering something to one of them. She walked away as soon I came by. One of the guys approached me and asked me if I had some money to give him so they could get something to eat. He said that he and his friend were traveling from Jalisco Mexico to Colorado but the lady who was supposed to take them wouldn’t arrive until the next day. Everything seemed suspicious. I told him I didn’t have any cash on me and kept walking.

As soon as we left, Layla and I went to watch The Croods part 2 at the movie theatre. It was such a cool experience to finally see a movie at the movie theatre again. I have to say The Croods 2 was hilarious and visually pleasing. I felt that everyone wanted to clap when the movie finished. You could feel the excitement in the room. I should’ve started the clapping for the hell of it. I mean it’s been a whole year since we’ve done this so Hell Yeah that deserves a clap in my opinion.

Well it seems that the guys from ROSS and that lady followed me. After Layla and I left the movie theatre we headed to Walmart since I needed to get some groceries. That’s where things got weird.

It was about 9 pm when I walked into the Walmart with Layla. I felt drugged… as if I was on some sort of cocaine stimulant. I felt overly energetic and loud. Layla seemed to have the opposite effect. She seemed sedated. I had her lie down inside the main part of the shopping cart.

I then ran through the Walmart racing the shopping cart around while talking really fast. I would break the shopping cart if I saw people nearby as I didn’t want to hit them. It seemed like I was nascar driving it though.

I was at the produce section getting lettuce when the guy from ROSS walks straight up to me. He had no shopping cart or items in his hand. He said “Hi how are you?” I leaned in closer to him, squinted my eyes and said “aren’t you the guy from ROSS??!!” I was really hyper. He shrugged a little embarrassed it seemed and nodded yes.

He then proceeded to give me a story on how the police didn’t let them stay at the ROSS anymore and this “nice lady” who was helping them out gave them a ride and brought them to Walmart.

He only made himself look more suspicious. He then asked me for money again. I told him I couldn’t give him any money because my family needed it more. He asked if I had a husband and when I told him no, he asked for my number. I said “Oh No NO no…!! I don’t hAVe timE for THaT!! I have to look after all of my family – definitely not, no! I don’t have time to date!” I was very dramatic without wanting to be. I also felt that I gave him “crazy eyes” a few times accidentally. I was so hyped up and not like myself. He told me I was pretty. “Oh you can find pretty things anywhere,” I told him matter of factly. Then I told him I had to cut the conversation short because I needed to hurry and finish grocery shopping since I had a long way home. He said he understood. I asked him his name. He said his name was Juan. “I’m Denise” I said as I firmly shook his hand and added, “Well take care and good luck on your trip to Colorado!”

He said thanks and told me I was pretty one last time. “Yes thank you! I mean No- I mean thanks !” I said laughing a little. He looked a little weirded out but smiled and nodded before walking away.

I continued to zoom through the aisles with the shopping cart and talk loudly to myself while Layla seemed completely un phased and sedated. At one point I loudly said “DO I REALLY NEED TOMATOES?! … I DONT THINK SO !!!! ….but I do need CUCUMBERS!!!” A lady passing by with her kids, raised her eyebrows and smiled. One of her kids came over and stood right in front of me. He seemed about 17. I was feeling each cucumber to make sure I didn’t take any soft ones and this young kid just stood there making me feel uncomfortable. I started giving him a disgusted look and he finally walked away. Like honey, leave me and my cucumbers alone! This is private. Jesus. He was making it really awkward.

People seemed to think I was funny though the way I talked and ran around the Walmart. I can say I have never acted like that in my life so it was pretty bizarre. I paid for our groceries and then got my self defense tool out before walking to the parking lot with Layla. I didn’t see the guy from ROSS anymore but when I got to my car I saw one guy in his car behind mine and one guy in his car in front of my car. It seemed a little strange but I didn’t pick up bad vibes. I protected Layla by putting the grocery cart in front of her and giving her the weapon to hold. I then put the groceries in the trunk of my Jeep as fast as I could. Looking back I should’ve just had security escort me to my car. Anyway, I got Layla in safely, as well as myself and I locked the car as soon as we were in. I noticed there was double the normal security outside as well as police officers in tan suits. Then again that Walmart is known for criminal activity at night.

Thankfully we got home safe and I didn’t see anyone tail gating or following me. My brother later told me my car door handles could’ve been laced with drugs while I was at the movie theatre.

This incident made me more aware on ways to protect and defend myself. I will be getting my CCW Permit soon to carry a glock gun on me. I’m honestly excited about it. If anyone tries following me around again they’re going to be saying hello to my little friend.

There is also a keychain from invisawear.com that texts up to 5 contacts your exact location. You can hang it on your pants and it looks like a normal keychain. I also like the alarm keychain that makes an ear piercing noise. There’s nothing like the glock though if you ask me. I’m ready to be Laura Croft: Tomb Raider.

The following day I met my friend at a trendy Hotel restaurant. We met when we were part of a pyramid scheme two years ago. Thank goodness we finally saw through it and left at the same time. I met so many great people though.

My friend Esme surprised me with two gift bags for me “just because.” It was so unexpected but also super nice. I was kicking myself for not bringing her something too. It’s really the little things that make the world go round.

We literally spent 12 hours talking that day. She’s PuertoRican and I don’t know what I am except Spaniard-Mexican…but we both talk a lot.

Well we were sitting at the table talking, enjoying our cheeseburgers and cheesecake, when a news reporter comes up to me and asks me if I knew that the First Lady Jill Biden had spent the night in the hotel and had just left. I had no idea. He asked if I had any words with her or any interaction at all. He asked if I had been at her Cesar Chavez event the day before. I had not and neither had my friend. The news reporter was about to turn away when he turned back towards me suddenly and asked, “Can I interview you?”

I was startled but replied “Sure! I just don’t know what I’m going to say.” He assured me that I didn’t need to worry. He would ask the questions and fix it up so we would look good. He asked me to put the microphone piece on my suit blazer and began recording me. Basically I talked about how I noticed Black SUVs outside on the side of the hotel as well as police cars so I figured someone important was at the hotel but I had no idea it was Jill Biden. When he Interviewed my friend Esme he asked her if she was excited to know Jill Biden had just been in the hotel. She replied, “Honestly I was more excited to see my friend…but she did tell me something about some SUVs and I was like, ‘hmm what’s going on??’”

Those were the clips the news reporter decided to put on the news. My friend and I had a good laugh at what we said and the fact that we happened to be on the news so randomly that day.

Truth is though…I don’t like getting into political things because it’s such a touchy subject. I have friends from both sides. Personally though my friend and I like Trump but we’re respectful of other peoples choices. I feel that people should be able to like anything including mustard on apple sauce and people shouldn’t judge someone on their choices. I don’t like the division politics creates.

I also think that Jill Biden is most likely a very nice woman. It was an interesting experience to be on the news. We were a bit nervous but thankfully you couldn’t tell.

As we continued to eat our food, we noticed secret service and military personnel walking out of the hotel.

Also an interesting fact about the Padre Hotel where we had lunch: they say the 7th floor is haunted. Particularly room 704.

Many tragedies have happened at the hotel including fires and earthquakes trapping young children into their premature death. The hotel was bought by a couple of business men from San Diego and began its remodeling in 2002. It was finished and reopened by 2010. It is referred to as a “boutique hotel” and also known as the “gem” of Bakersfield California. As soon as you step inside you know it’s a luxury experience. It’s not just luxury though. They did an amazing job at combining luxury with a trendy modern feel. I wouldn’t expect anything less from San Diego Designers though.

Despite it being haunted I just might go back for the food. Ugh and the vibe. It’s such a beautiful Hotel. They also have a type of night club that might be reopening later this year. I’m somewhat skeptical of going to a night club because of the things that can happen but at the same time it’s on my bucket list as I’ve never properly partied at a night club before and the young person stuck in me wants to live out that experience. I’ll just take my glock to be safe. I’ll be like an undercover party goer. I would obviously not drink or eat anything there unless I see it being prepared and I would never leave my drink unattended. Party rules 101 right?? Ugh. This reminds me… I want to go to IBIZA so bad. That’s big time on my bucket list. Big time big time. Imagine being on a plane with a bunch of friends and hyped up people ready to party?? One can only dream…

Thanks for reading,

Denise

Is anxiety normal?

Is anxiety and fear a normal part of life in the world we live in? I’ve thought about this and realized that it just might be. Of course for each person it ranges. Personally I hardly feel anxiety or fear but I still have the normal doubts and fears about life just like any normal person.

The thing is no one on this earth has it made. I don’t care if they live in Switzerland with the alpacas or if they’re billionaires in Dubai. No human being has it made. In the back of everyone’s mind there’s the fear that whatever we have could be gone tomorrow.

I’ve realized that our existence on this earth isn’t always the most peaceful one but we have to learn to hone that peace in ourselves while we are here.

How? By connecting with our emotional / spiritual side. By feeling our feelings and reflecting on them. By taking control of them little by little. By taking control of our thoughts. Over the years I’ve done things that have helped me in this area. I’ve cleaned my entire inner body. I’ve detoxed my pineal gland, I’ve done a colon cleanse, a gut cleanse (it’s very important to put the good bacteria back in when done!) and I’ve also taken lithium orotate as well as other supplements like kava-kava for relaxation.

I’ve learned to live with the small anxiety and fear that will most likely always be there. Obviously that’s optimal to have only a small amount but it’s taken years to get to that point. It takes self control to master ones emotions.

Sometimes we think that when we reach a certain life milestone that then we will we be truly happy and at peace. I’ve learned that it’s most likely not the case. There will always be a tiny bit (at least) of uncertainty. However life is still wonderful and worth living. You just have to learn to tell those nagging thoughts to shut – the – front – door =)

Anyway, moving on to another subject: I’ve thought about the situation with my massage therapist and I’m going to tell him (the next time I see him) that I only want my back, arms, and legs massaged. Hopefully we can continue to have normal sessions or I’ll have to end it. The thing is I’m not anyone’s play toy…I know I’m giving up the chance to have a passionate sensual experience for once in my life…and who knows it might be stupid to give this up because I might never have this chance again…after all he’s experienced when it comes to the human body and how it works and very few people can say they’re experienced in that department – most don’t know what they’re doing. Heck I don’t even know what I’m doing but I don’t feel I need to since I’m not active in that department. And then there’s the fact that I never go out and meet anyone. but life is a gamble and I’m not willing to be anyone’s play toy. At least I don’t have to worry about catching feelings, STDs, or pregnancy. I know I know… I’m boring. La-dee-DaH.

Anyway, I’ve been reading a book lately about health and wellness and it’s opening my eyes to something quite interesting…a hundred years ago most people’s diets in rural places consisted of a few main things such as milk, eggs, cheese, butter, meat / seafood and vegetables. More or less however they didn’t have many different dishes to eat as we do now. They didn’t have grocery stores or 5 star restaurants. They had the same items they ate mostly every day. You want to know the truly outstanding part? THEY WERE HEALTHY PEOPLE. They had perfect skin, hair and teeth even after having 26 children. They enjoyed their life… that is until western American food and groceries were brought into their village. Their health slowly crumbled after that.

My parents were raised in Mexico and they remember drinking milk straight from the cows, buying vegetables from the neighbors gardens, as well as chickens. Both my parents were incredibly healthy and had 8 healthy children. Then my parents started to give in to the American diet and healthcare in their 30s. My mom got antibiotics a few times, messed up her gut microbiome, and her health began to decline after that. I will be doing a blog post of how to heal your gut as that is one of the main reasons behind so many illnesses and diseases.

I’ve decided that I want to eat like villagers from the early 1900s. I want real milk, eggs, butter and cheese. I want fresh seafood from the port and grass fed beef (my local deli has the best rib eye steak) as well as home grown veggies. I will still eat out as “cheat days” but that will be more of a treat and not an every day lifestyle.

The real minerals and vitamins are in real fat soluble food according to this book I’m reading. I know many gym goers take mineral supplements to aid in muscle repair and while it definitely does it’s job in giving them gorgeous health (minerals aid in healthy skin hair and eyes) Id rather get the minerals from the real food source. I will most likely still supplement with minerals but my main focus will be actual real food. I will be updating how that journey goes.

I signed up today to get self defense classes from a tae-kwon-do instructor. He’s been Layla’s instructor since last summer. This year, with the job field I’m getting into, I decided I need to have a good self defense technique – just in case. I’ll be going into peoples homes as part of my job, by myself. Mostly I think I should be ok, but just in case I ever get a weird one, I feel better knowing I can defend myself.

I think the instructor has a crush on me though. He’s been giving me free classes since last year, to “try it out” and when the trial period is over he extends the free trial period. I’m just glad I’ll be getting lessons from one of the best instructors in the area. I have my first self defense class tonight and I’m pretty excited.

A few days ago Layla & I ate at Hook Burger and it was so nice to finally dine in again here in California. The customer service was phenomenal as well as the food. definitely recommend.

I’m loving the matching sets right now – this one is from Target and it was $30 for both pant and sweater. The sandals are Adidas (from last summers collection.) with Target you kind of have to get there first because their great items sell out fast and they’re usually limited in quantity. Once they’re gone they’re usually gone. This purple sweat suit set is perfect in color and even more perfect in texture – it’s the softest thing In the world. I will not be putting it in the dryer because it might ruin it. I’ll just run it through the washer machine and hang it up to dry in the bathroom. I want it to last for as long as possible. I’m literally so obsessed with good clothes haha.

Favorite song right now: “Jenny (I want to ruin our friendship)” by Studio Killers

I love music and I pride myself in having the best playlists. I just might share my Apple playlists soon.

Thanks for reading,

Denise

Whats re-opening in Los Angeles

I love going out for adventures (as a true Aries) and if you do too, you might be interested in the following list of places re-opening soon in the Los Angeles area (A quick google search will pop up your county.)

AMC theatres should be re-opening March 19-21 with a list of new studio releases – some being from Disney and Lionsgate.

So we could see theatres re-opening by next weekend. Very exciting!

Next we have state parks re opening such as: Death Valley, Yosemite Park, Joshua Tree (EEEK! MY FAVE) Channel Islands national park (Never heard of but will research!) Palm Springs (Major YES) and San Diego Zoo!

Disneyland CEO announced two days ago: they expect to reopen the parks by late April.

As most of us also know some indoor dining will be re-opening as well.

Last but not least “Build ‘N Play Days” In LEGOLAND is also open as of March 7th, 2021. Its only $20 per child/adult and from a YouTube review I just watched it is very much worth it. They have so many places for the kids to explore and you really cant beat that price for a day of fun. Build ‘N Play Days are open from 10 am to 4 pm most days. Check legoland.com for more information.

OOTD: Bag – COACH outlets, sweater dress – AMAZON, boots – STEVE MADDEN

Thanks for reading,

Denise