My aunt died today at 5 pm. She died from cancer. I think she really died from unnecessary Hospital treatments but that’s another story. I’m in our home office and I’m listening to “before you go” in piano version from the CALM app. I have to say its fitting and very soothing for how I feel.
The thing is I’m not a sad person. There’s very little that makes me sad. I loved my aunt though.
I got so much of my personality from her genes. She was the one in my moms family who loved decorating as much as me. She also gave generously to all kinds of people all through her life: Friends, Family and strangers. There was no one who gave as much as she did. She couldn’t visit anyone without bringing them gifts or something they might need…and I feel that we shared that trait. I love giving.
I have the gold earrings my aunt gave me. They’re the most perfect earrings I’ve ever had. Every time I put them on I think of her. You know what I really liked about my aunt though? I loved her strong honest personality. She was upfront with everyone. She was herself…unapologetically – something else we shared.
I think about the way she passed…and I think it was the way my aunt wanted it to be. She was surrounded by family in the last weeks of her life. SO much family. Weeks ago, she was afraid she might pass away in a cold empty hospital room all by herself since visitors aren’t allowed because of Covid. She called her daughter to get her out of there, and her daughter complied to her last wishes and got her out of the hospital despite the staff not wanting to let her out. She was brought to her daughters house a few hours after that phone call. My aunt later said those hours felt eternal. They hadn’t fed her or checked up on her and she was very weak. It was…It was as if they wanted her to die. She said she knew she was going to die if she didn’t get out of there.
In her last weeks her daughters house was flooded with visitors. Lots and lots of family. We went twice. The first time we went my aunt was drugged up so it was hard to talk to her. She wasn’t really herself. Still she knew who I was and she smiled when she saw the balloons I brought her. I also took her $150 worth of fresh flowers. I hope she liked them.
The second time we visited her she looked like herself. My mom and I had hope she would make it. They had taken her off the strong medication and she was unbelievably sharp minded just as usual. She looked great too. She never lost all her hair so she still had a head full of black hair and her skin never looked so smooth. That night as we sat in her daughters living room she said she felt as if she had traveled somewhere out of her body for a little while – “Who knows where..!” she said vaguely remembering. She was talking about the week before when she had been drugged up and was sleeping all day, every day. I’m sure she did travel out of her body. Just as she did today.
I wish I would’ve spent more time with her. Sadly we only started spending more time together once my mom and I left the religion we were in. Ever since leaving our religion its as if things went back to normal. My mom is close to her family again and they talk on the phone all the time now. I’m getting to know all my family again too. My mom and I can’t believe we really allowed religion to get between that. We were taught we had to keep a distance from people who didn’t “think like us”…and that included family. Now were making up for lost time. Unfortunately my aunt is gone though.
Oh what a special person she was.
I wish I could’ve documented her life. There is so much to say about her and everything she was and all of her life. Mygod the stories she could tell…
We didn’t think she would pass away though. We all thought and hoped she would make it.
I know she’s not in pain anymore though. I know she’s ok. But we will miss her.
At least she seemed thoroughly satisfied with our last visit. My mom took her some home made Jell-O that she absolutely loved. All of her kids were spoiling her non-stop the weeks before she passed.
I would say she lived a good life, surrounded by good family.
Thanks for reading,
My Aunt Cecilia who passed away is on the left in a flower print dress, then its my aunt Fita and next to her is my mom. I took this photo last summer.