People will date, get married and get to know their partner. They will make friends and get to know their friends. They will have children and get to know their children. They’ll have neighbors and try to “get to know them” even if it’s from cracked window blinds and binoculars (you know who you are lol.)
I’ve recently realized though, that getting to know yourself unbiasedly is a skill most people are unaware of.
I have gotten to know myself really well for a long time now and I’ve done it with intention. I have purposely searched within me to find the good and the bad. I congratulate myself on the good and work on the “bad”. There are no rose colored glasses when it comes to myself. I’m honest with who I am, what I do and how I might come across. I am my own life coach. I’m the life coach for my friends as well because who doesn’t need a life coach?
Since I have spent years getting to know myself I am very aware of my whole self. I don’t sugar coat anything. If it needs improvement I get to work on it. What I love most about knowing myself well is that people can’t tell me who I am for me. Over the years I’ve observed that people will be quick to tell you who they “think” you are. They might assume things (it’s human nature and we’ve all been guilty of it even if it’s on a small scale) and they’ll form ideas based on very little information, and so unsurprisingly they are usually wrong. What’s always important is for you to know yourself well enough so that you can verify what is true and what is not. And if it is true, accept it and improve on it. Have a humble attitude. You’re value only goes up with self improvement.
What’s interesting to me is how sometimes people might be unaware of who they are or how they come across. Yet other people see it and notice it. Being self aware is probably one of the best things anyone could do. You’re holding yourself accountable. The problem is I think most people are afraid to be real with themselves because it feels better to tell yourself you’re perfect the way you are and no changes are necessary. If people knew how to use positive self talk while working through their imperfections it would make a big difference.
It would be great if the schooling system had positive affirmation classes or constructive self talk classes. Those should start since a child is small. People grow up not knowing how to think positively or control their thoughts. The best most people do is tell themselves they’re perfect the way they are in order to survive and not let the bad thoughts affect them.
People aren’t taught how to manage “bad thoughts” or how to switch them out in a constructive way. The truth is the way we think and talk is an on going training. It never ends if you continually strive to get better.
I learned early on to manage my thoughts. I was 18 when I was reading books on mastering your mind. I could’ve been reading romance novels but instead I found self help books more interesting.
The most Important thing I learned was how to talk to myself constructively when improving myself. I will never ever put myself down under any reason. Those thoughts have no room in my head. If they were to enter, they would be shown to the door in 1.2 seconds. I will not entertain negative thoughts.
I am generous with positive affirmations but I am also REAL with myself. I don’t punish myself for being real and imperfect. We are all imperfect and there’s not a single person on earth who’s perfect. So that’s a relief right?? Lol. It puts the pressure off really quick knowing that. Yet I don’t let myself off the hook from having to improve myself. If I am not improving constantly then I’m obviously not being honest with myself. As human beings, there should always be room to grow and improve every day of our lives.
Some are not comfortable growing because Jeez Louise! it requires getting a little uncomfortable when you’re growing and improving. There are growing pains. Growing up is not a comfortable arena to be in. I’ll be honest – I’ve hated it lol – for a long time I resented having to grow up, and be the “grown up”. For years I wondered why I had to be the strong one, the motherly one, the advice giver, the disciplinarian, the instructor and planner – “where are all the grown ups ??!” I wondered. If there are a lot of grown ups in your life then you are blessed but I think most of us experience dealing with “grown up children” or people who simply avoid grown up responsibility’s. And while having to be the grown up for everyone around isn’t the easy road, I’ve done it because the other road looked much worse. Staying in a child like state of mind, and being complacent with being average was not an option. If anything it’s more painful to be average and child like than it is to be mature and constantly improving. The process is what’s uncomfortable but the end results will always be worth the sacrifice.
There’s no age for “maturity”. People seem to believe that white hair and wrinkles equal maturity but the truth is we mature if we’re forced to OR if we want to. It doesn’t happen miraculously on it’s own. It’s not an Injection you can get. It doesn’t happen the day you turn 18 or even 30.
Nobody really wants to mature, just to be clear lol. I think most mature people are forced to become that way. The option is there though.
If we have kids it’s important to give them the building blocks in becoming mature at a young age so that it’s not so hard on them when they get older.
If I had to do it over again, I would still choose to grow up. I still choose improvement not just on my skills, or abilities but on my actual person. Most people neglect their actual person- the way we think, talk, act and come across. It blows my mind why. We are our best investment after all. It’s like putting gas in your car but never getting an oil change, tune up or tires changed. Everything about ourselves requires maintenance and improvement from the inside out.
Never beat yourself up for mistakes made though – they are in the past and there isn’t a person alive who doesn’t make them -only seek solutions and improvement. Solutions and Improvement. Solutions and improvement.
I hope you all get to know yourself well, with intention and purpose. You can only become better and better no matter the age, no matter where you go or what you do.
Thanks for reading!