Have I ever been In Love? Why am I single?

A month ago, I was sitting with my dad at a booth inside Denny’s. We were having breakfast and as he was trying to prove a point, he said, “I don’t know if you’ve ever been in love… but…yada yada yada.” He doesn’t know, because he’s rarely ever asked me anything. My dad is not a question-asker. But as I sat there, I smiled and wondered “have I ever been in love??” No one ever asked me that before. In fact I don’t think I asked myself that before.

So I pondered on it.

And I realized…No I haven’t.

Ive had puppy love. and I’ve really liked a few people, but I’ve never been In love.

Well except for the time I was in Texas. Yes I have exes in Texas. But not all of them live in Texas. The rest live in California. Har har. Ok not funny..moving on:

So ahem. This ex from Texas.

It was something literally out of a movie. Maybe one day I’ll write about it. It’s quite a story. But for now I’ll just say, as beautiful as it was, I packed my bags and came back to California. I’m grateful for the experience but ultimately I don’t think it would’ve worked out.

Falling in love is not just about imagining someone is great. It’s about both of you truly being great people. Well that’s the only way I can fall in love anyway..but the problem is there’s not that many great people out there.

But….I do have to say, there is one person from my past who was great. At the time I was scared of falling in love so i pulled the plug. and while I don’t know that we would have ever been good together, all i know is that I should’ve never ended it without actually telling him why. I pretty much just changed my number and never talked to him again.

I was 22 at the time and immature. It was a cowardly thing to do. Just run and hide. I should’ve been more grown up about it. I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing. I should’ve told him the truth. The truth was he was great, I was scared and thats it.

I still have a world of admiration and respect for him and I wish him the best.

Anyway, My life as a single person is actually pretty great. I think greater than most single peoples simply because my outlook on it is different.

I’ve never been desperate to find love or be with someone. I would much rather be on my own than miserable with someone.

If I was desperate I’d be married by now. I’ve gotten enough offers lol but being married isn’t my primary life goal.

My life goal is to be HAPPY.

Ive had a pretty hard life growing up. All i want now is to be happy and i don’t want to mess that up by choosing the wrong person to share my life experiences with.

So to answer the question: Im single because 1. Theres fewer and fewer “high value fish” in the sea as you get older and 2. I live in the middle of nowhere, I work in the middle of nowhere, I go to my meetings in the middle of nowhere. annnnd 3. I don’t go “out” to meet anyone. While I attend the assembly’s i don’t actually try “finding someone there.” Brothers and sisters have urged me to do this, and one brother who gave the talk at our hall even told me I should go up to a brother and act like I “know him”. He even walked me through a whole scenario down to the “lightly touch his arm before you leave and smile.” Very funny. But yeaaa….passssss haha.

I think being single and enjoying it is about loving yourself, loving life and loving Jehovah. And realizing that you can’t have it all. but you can still focus on all kinds of interesting fun and fascinating things that will enrich your life. Life really is fascinating if you explore it. theres so much more out there than our feelings. When you focus on accomplishing goals, on helping others and on exploring this wonderful world, you realize you can enjoy life with or without someone.

 

xoxo,

Denise

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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